Once I landed on the root of the problem (or at least one of them), I felt sure that I would be able to correct it and get back on track. But instead I've found myself still frustrated and lifeless. I'm in a rut and having a very hard time getting out.
And then this afternoon as I was rearranging furniture in anticipation of a Christmas tree, I unearthed a children's Bible. It's one I like to read to the boys, one I like to use in my classroom, and I had really been missing it. It's my favorite children's Bible right now, and I was really excited! So I put it back down in a safe place and told myself I'd get it back out tomorrow to prepare for next week's Bible story in my class.
But I found that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I just couldn't wait to read this Bible's version of the story of Jonah. What was I waiting for?
So I pulled it out and read it, and sure enough, found God waiting for me in those colorful pages. Jonah had just been thrown into the water, and it said, "Just then, when Jonah thought it was all over, when he was sure he was going to drown, God sent a big fish to rescue him."
Wait. Rescue him? I had never thought of this fish, and the three what must have been absolutely miserable days that Jonah spent in it belly as a rescue.
So I got to thinking about the story...and yes, perhaps this was in fact a rescue. John was rescued from his path of running from God and fear of the Ninevites. Maybe rescue doesn't always come in the form of a knight in shining armor followed by the easy life...
...which got me to thinking about some very hurtful events in my past, specifically about 5 1/2 years ago. And suddenly I was able to see it all in a completely different light. Maybe that first event, which was just the beginning of a very long series of hurtful events, was actually a rescue. And like Jonah, I had spent "three days" in the "dark and smelly belly of a fish," but had eventually been spit "safely onto the sandy shore" here in Burleson - where the job that awaits is not necessarily safe or desireable - but it is in some sense a rescue from the path I had previously been on.
Wow. That's some food for thought for this next week.
And just like that, I no longer feel lifeless, but quite the opposite. God rocks.